An observation and red flag when I am not alright, is I can slip into ways of busying myself and pretending to be ok, ignoring the physical and emotional niggles, pains and, feelings in my body.
These days I notice quickly what is happening, I stopped and sat with it, yes this can feel uncomfortable, although only temporary compared to the amount of days I use to ignore or block those niggles. By stopping I mean I sacked off my 'To choose list' that had turned into a demand list (that maybe is a 'To do list' to you). I deliver shifting from day-to-day demands in my 1-2-1 coaching and many of my Fundamentals of Freedom sessions.
When I stop, I breathe into my body, noticing any tension, tightness, aches and then take a breathe to the that part of my body, breathing into to that space and breathing out, on the breath in, asking what am I feeling? Let the feelings be felt, there was frustration and sadness coming up and so on the next breath in, asking what are you thinking/believing? (you can also ask what do I need? It is often a want however our minds can believe we cannot have what we want so in this case ask, what do I need?).
There are a few ways to process what was happening, I choose a body scan that I use to coach others and I realised I was believing that 'I am not needed!' (my partner going away was the origin of the physical and emotional feelings, this is known as a trigger).
Once I stepped out of what I call storytelling (fear based mind chatter/beliefs), the truth was as a child I often felt lonely and overtime developed a belief that no one was bothered about me, based on that belief, I became not bothered about myself. What was created from that was putting everyone else first, the external gratification of ‘You're always there when I need you’ became 'I matter when I am needed!'
I explored further into my childhood, 'Why am I bothering, no one is bothered about me', which led to my mind saying, so 'why should I be bothered about me' (I went back to about 4-5 years of age). It wasn’t about my partner going away, that’s a situation where a blueprint of a childhood belief and what I witnessed was been repeated.
This along with generational patterns that I witnessed, where the women in my life never got time for themselves, put everyone before them, often they were hassled, believing they had to do it all and at times even believing they were not a good enough mum, enforcing a belief that they had to prove they were/are. I believe, now is the time to make changes, use our voice, communicate our needs/wants. Create and/or deepen our communication, so we can be a team with our loved ones and an example to the children of the world, we are living examples and whatever we are doing they are witnessing.
NEEDING TO BE NEEDED, CAN BE A SLIPPERY SLOPE TO ALL KINDS OF THINGS:
Searching for external validation.
Doing things to please others.
Doing things you don’t really want to do.
Saying Yes when you mean No.
Not speaking your truth.
Co-dependency.
The Blame Game (no one really wins).
Resenting others and their choices.
Lack of boundaries.
Loss of personal identity.
Never really doing what you want to.
Not making time for filling your own cup (others only get what we give to ourself).
Showing younger generations what you don't want rather than what you do.
THE TRUTH IS; I NEED ME! YOU NEED YOU! AND THE WORLD NEEDS US!
Our natural mother nurture instinct can get tangled up in being there for others and so not connecting to ourselves first, connecting to ourself first supports us to deal with what life brings us. it's not there to catch us out, simply an initiation to show us we are not giving to our own needs and requirements.
I am grateful for the experience, the feeling heavy, frustrated and sad (it’s our dark moments, that bring the lightbulb moments and the breakthroughs). it's part of the psyche of the woman and it can be heightened around the time of menstrual cycle too.
It’s meant I wrote this blog, it reminded me that I am human, I care and that every experience is showing me conditions of how I think ‘I have to, need to or should be', which when from a place of demand, do not serve me or anyone else for that matter.
So then I am reminded, I can 'Choose' to release them and step into my truth, more of who I really am and go back to connecting to myself first. Which then in turn, from that place of choice rather than demand I can be there for others and guide them in how to do the same, in their own unique way.
Ways you can identify you are busying or pretending to be ok;
Your body is restless, you may find things to do that do not need doing immediately.
You are crossing lots of things over and notice you are unfocussed in doing so (there's a difference between multi-tasking and doing things in a flow sequence).
You are not able to sit throughout the day, without feeling guilty.
If you choose, you can check in with yourself using the body scan technique, as described earlier in this blog.
Vulnerability is a gift and something I am here for, my blogs and articles are about the rawness of emotions, why we can push them down and pretend to be okay, when deep down we are not. Even if one person reads this and no longer feels alone or can identify something within themselves then it was worth being so open through my writing.
I am aware my vulnerability can stir/trigger something within others, my want is for more people to learn how to innerstand themselves, so they can live a happier healthier and freer life and so by doing so, not to pass on generational patterns onto our future generations.
If this has stirred something in you and you want to discuss further, you can fill out my reach me form, at vitality-yorkshire.com/reach-me
WE'LL ALWAYS BE NEEDED, IT'S FROM WHICH THE PLACE WE DO IT FROM!
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